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Life's Nature

2011-10-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

At work, over the last few months, I have interviewed around 200 people for various positions within the company, it’s been quite the grind. Clearly, in a 30 minute job interview, it’s impossible to get deep into someone’s story. And in interviews most people are putting their best foot forward and trying to convince me they would be perfect for the position, so I am getting a very narrow scope into each person’s life. They want to be perceived in a certain light and everything they are do is to support that light. However, while discussing management style and hearing them explain how they handle conflict in the work place, it became overwhelming to me that certain things in our lives hang by a thread kind of like getting a job or not.

So many people I talked to were good workers. They were out of work, not because of something they did wrong, but b.c that’s the way things are right now. Several expressed that had been laid off from a job they absolutely loved, but the company went under. I spoke with several candidates who had just been through a divorce and were trying to pick up the pieces. Some candidates had been out of work for a long time. Not everyone, but those I mentioned above had sense of desperation in the eyes, they seemed desperate and just exhausted, and rightly so. They seemed keenly aware of the fact that life had not gone as planned, while at the same time they are sitting in front of me, trying to make themselves seem so awesome that my only choice would be to hire them. Things are Fragile.

Last week my little girl Harper Michelle was born. She’s so wonderful. Healthy. Beautiful. It took 49 hours for that little girl to make her debut. During her delivery, it seemed to be taking longer to push her out than our midwife thought it would. When her head finally came out we could see why. The cord had wrapped around her neck. My wife was in the tub, so our midwife and the nurses pulled her out legs out of the water, holding Harper’s head out above water. The midwife is trying to untangle the cord and guide Harper out. It was intense, probably the most scared I have ever been. Turns out the cord was wrapped around her shoulders/armpits and one leg (no wonders she couldn’t get out). During that 30 second I am holding my wife’s upper body out of the water and thinking “what I am about to witness?” In reality things weren’t as dire as I thought, but still, it was intense. Again, I am reminded about how fragile life can be.

Everything can change in one instance. Employed one day and jobless the next. Married one day and divorced the next. Alive one day, and dead the next. It can be one car accident, one mistake at work, one fight with your spouse, one dreadful act of stupidity and everything is different.

Now, my response to this growing reality of the life’s fragile nature is this. Love your family. Love your friends. Be there for them when their threads break. Do your best to make good decisions Think about how your actions can affect others. And when your threads break, when things crash into pieces, deal with it. Get smarter, get healed, get stronger. Keep moving. Have Faith.

Astounding

2010-07-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

One day, while I was driving to class I was reminded of how funny we humans are. Here is the story from that day:

I was on my to Accounting class, in order to the master the way of the numbers, and I stopped at the light at Spring Creek and Greenville, which I am used to because it seems that the city of Plano has intentionally made it impossible to get from the the high way to Jupiter without stopping at that intersection due to a red light. While waiting for the light to change I noticed on the left side of the street, on the sidewalk, a young male, probably around the age of 17 on his bicycle. He was a white kid, that doesn't really have any bearing on the story just fyi, and he had long, curly, frizzy, dark hair. He was stopped at the intersection as well, waiting to cross. He was wearing head phones. He was head banging to the music in said head phones, head banging on beat (or so I imagine). I thought to myself " I really hope he continues to head bang while he rides his bicycle across the street". I thought this because I thought it be funny to see him riding along, head banging to the beat, with his hair flying all around. But in all honesty, I didn't believe he would keep head banging. I thought for sure he would just ride normally across the street. And then the light changed for him, and he crossed in front of me and all the other drivers waiting our turn. He never ceased the head banging- and I mean this was intense head banging while riding his bike across the busy intersection. I was astounded, I had to keep watching him, and I looked around to other drivers, we were all watching him. We kept watching him as he rode down the side walk away from us, still head banging with ferocity, with his wild, curly, frizzy hair bouncing around like crazy.

It makes wonder when I see that kind of stuff. Makes me wonder what is going on the head of the head-banging kid? What's going on in the head of the guy at the gym who decides he needs EVERYONE else in the gym to hear how hard his work out it is, by screaming as loud as he can every exercise? What's going on the black guy's head who walks around with head phones, but is audibly rapping while walking around the mall? And the crazy people we see on COPS or Jerry Springer, what is happening in their brains!?! Astounding I tell you. I read a book about the violence and rioting of the English soccer fans, and how once the individual became part of the mob or crowd, all reasoning, logic and humanity left the individual, bending and changing their will to that of the crowd. People are killed, cities completely vandalized, unheard of violence all happening at the same time, what is going on in their minds. Astounding I say!

Then there the other people: the one's doing good:

The person at work who is always encouraging for some reason, what is going on their head that makes them decide to do that? Mother Theresea, probably seemed out of her mind to the people around when she started her ministry, astounding! The people at Charity Water, World Vision, Tom's Shoes, and the list goes on, who give up on trying to collect as much for themselves and pick up the burden of giving to those who don't have water, food, shoes. Astounding I say!

As humans we are capable of extreme violence, but also capable of extreme mercy. We are capable of building an empire, becoming millionaires, losing it all, starting over, and getting it all back, but we are also capable of extravagant generosity giving almost all of our earnings away. We are capable of acts of love or acts of hate.

I want to be known as the astounding human doing good. Because we are all funny, we all do strange things. Like the screaming guy at the gym, I bet he thinks we are nutts for not needing to yell out during our work outs. I bet the kid on his bike wonders "why are those drivers not head banging to some awesome music right now?"But it's about taking that weirdness and making the world better.

Mountais

2010-04-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

Are so big. It's unbelievable. I have spent the last three days learning to snowboard. This morning I was sitting down "strapping up", I looked up from where I sat and saw this incredible view overlooking several mountain peaks. Just incredible. I like going to the mountains because it reminds me how small I am, how big God is, and how unique it is that He chooses to interact with us.

I like being reminded that I am small and that the story I am playing out is small too (though my own story at the moment keeps getting larger and more unbelievable by the day, in my mind at least.) It's easy for me to get so caught in my world that I am convinced of its importance, and God's obligation to make sure it goes well.

But I find comfort in the fact the mountains are so big, and that God must be bigger. And the things that I spend time thinking about, working on and trying to build are only a tiny sub plot in the giant story that God is directing.

Also, being in the mountains is just cool, and so is snowboarding.

On that note, that mountain really kicked my butt on this trip. I fell early and often. I got better as the trip went, but it seemed the more confident I got the harder the mountain would kick me when I fell. I know the mountain was kicking me because of my last run of the trip. Micah and I had made our way pretty far from the bottom, so we were cruising our way back. I got literally 10 yards from being done and 'whoop' fell right on my butt. It was like the mountain gave me one last kick in the ass to remember it by. Well it worked, i will not forget.

Facebook

2010-01-22T12:51:00.000-08:00

I tried to tell myself when I started this blog that I would post something new at least once a month. Perhaps once a year was a more realistc expectation on myself, if you look at my blogging from the yearly perspective, I'm blowing it out of the water. Alas, that was not the expectation I put on myself and therefore my efforts have been poor to very poor.

However, moving on from that, this is what has taken up a lot of my mental time. The craziness that is facebook. Specifcially, the craziness of the facebook status updates.

I have gathered some specific examples, but the list started getting so long, that I decided to just cover some of the nonsense in broad strokes:

First, the I need attention immediately!, posts. These generally go as following:

Uhhh! I'm so mad!
This day sucks!
I can't believe this sh%t!
or with some Bible verse saying something like: I will take comfort in your wings, or when my enemies surround me you will save me.

When some posts something like this it is painfully obvious they have no friends. Because if they did, their friends would be talking to them and helping through their tough time, instead they are throwing their upsetness to the masses of facebook.

Or,

This means they want attention, they desperately want someone to comment on their status with:

awwww,. what's wrong?
I hope your day gets better, you rock!
oh no! what happened?
Or they want someone to see how much they love God, and for someone to admire how steadfast they are in faith, even through this terrible time. ( Which is usually a break up or a tummy ache)

Then you have the updates to tune of " if you a great friend, daughter, husband, wife, dog, step cousin, and they really like you and they treat you nice then repost this and they will know who they are"

inevitably the step cousin or the dog, comments saying" is this me? i really like you and treat you nice!"

Sometimes you have super offensive posts like these:

So if New Orleans wins the Super Bowl, can we FINALLY stop talking about Hurrican Katrina? That would be the ONLY reason I'd be ok with them winning. Gee wiz.

To those of you upset with the saints victory just remember there is one group of people that are far more upset than you... the new orleans police department. Get ready for some murderous riot action and people looting from every local business.... somehow they will spin that into the world believing they are the victim again.

comment on above

Don't worry they are sending all the colts championship t-shirts and hats to new Orleans...... Because hurricane Katrina happened yesterday

another comment

you give them too much credit. There would have been murderous riots if they had lost too. These are the same people that shoot at military helicopters from their own rooftops not expecting them to shoot back. Morons.

These comments are extremely annoying coming from white middle class idiots, who have no idea what it's like to be in a natural disaster.

Then there is just plain ignorance:

Dress shopping today with my mommy,! Im so excited :) Then hopefully just regular shopping cause I really want new shoes! lol have a great day! ♥ ♥

I don't think I need to add too much to this one.

i hate it when guys get new girlfriends and drop like everyone else in their life. It's completely ridiculous

Apparently you don't have a grasp on how dating works.

I really wish people would stop canceling and noshowing on me. I know you don't realize it but this is my livelihood. Have some respect.s

after misspelling respect, the same person then says

well...when it rains it pours. Dropped my cell in the pot. Seriously I have got to quit carrying that thing in my back pocket.

not helping your case here pal, and then says

I put Wally's sweater on him. It is the cutest thing I've ever seen!!

obviously we should all respect someone who dresses up their dog

I am reminding myself that it is MURDER to kill my employees and corporate..and i could lose my job for that....

and I am sure none of them have Facebook

No high school drama is when people see other people they know commenting on each other and then they decide that they need to chime in when it has nothing to do with them whatsoever. Not minding your own business when it has nothing to do with you is high school drama. Love when people have nothing to say to you unles...

besides this person's inability to write complete thoughts, it's hilarious that by making emotional statements about how they hate drama, people think that they are not adding to the drama! So funny.

If your post is not something witty, funny, or well thought out, maybe just hold off, count to 30 and i if you really need to post it, then go ahead, I know for some the urge is impossible to fight. But still try not to post the super personal, private thoughts, that were meant only for you.

If you any of you recognize these posts: I apologize. I deleted names to protect the idiot, I mean innocent.

Going to Church

2009-06-23T16:42:00.000-07:00

Going to Church

This phrase should be eliminated from my vocabulary. I know this may seem like an extreme action towards what could seem like such an innocent little phrase. I mean how many times have I said it myself and with no real thought to what I am saying. But honestly how twisted have we made our concept of church. In our culture you "go" to church instead "be" the church and this misconception is making us a joke. The mindset Consumerism has forced or seduced (i'm not sure which one) us into making church a competitive sport. Who can put together the best band with the best song list paired with some nifty audio/visual bit to tug on people's heart strings followed by the most charismatic, entertaining speaker we can find. Because as we all know without a gifted communicator there really is no hope having a "big church" followed by that big tithe. I'm not saying that services done at high level are a bad thing, but when that becomes where the resources of the church are spent that is a problem. When a group of believers are spending millions of dollars and thousands of hours making their buildings comfortable and their auditoriums perfect we have missed the calling of what it means to be the church. Don't get me wrong, I think musicians should play and play well, to lead us in a musical form of worship. Teachers should teach and teach well, helping us discern the Word of God and how it applies to us. But when we are gearing everything we do at worship service to draw in more people, something is off. When we are depending on a service to meet needs instead of ourselves, something is off. When most church "go-ers" spend more time complaining about the volume level of the music, song selection, children's ministry, or sermon than they do feeding the homeless and taking care of orphans, something is off. When church leaders treat their church community as their own personal empire, something is off. When the church body is dependent on their church leader in order to grow in Christ, something is off.

I know my complaining and bit of ranting about issues I see in the church makes me no different than those I have issue with. I just know that Christ did not live the life He did, die the death He did, and come back to life for His followers to congregate in our comfortable buildings, nitpicking about nonsense. He invites is into a life where we lay it all down so others can experience Him. He invites into a life where we participate in the restoration of creation, to life where we love each other so fiercely that the lost and hurting are drawn to us. I simply suggest that being a follower of Christ requires to do just that follow, not sit, not complain, but get up and follow Him.

In no way am I naive enough to think what I am saying is easy, it will be difficult, but it will be worth it. We will get hurt, but He will heal our hearts. It will be uncomfortable, but we will not be bored. So I ask, if you are a Christian, are you following or sitting?

PS.

If following Christ leads you to participate in a community of believers that gathers together and enjoys a high level service, I think that's great, just please don't get caught up being an observer instead of a follower of Christ.

day to day

2009-05-13T13:45:00.001-07:00

I may be dillusinal, but I have this expectation to find something in life that I was created to do. Like eventually, if we listen to God and don't settle, we will have this moment where everything is greatness and yell out "this is what i was put on this earth to do!" Sure there will days, even weeks where everything goes crazy and you wonder "what am i doing right now", but for the most part you love what you do and life is good. I feel like we all can get this if we push hard enough. For me, I have spent quite a bit of time recently wondering, "what am i doing, exactly" but I do believe this is where God has led me and so I am doing my best to find the " this is what i was made for" role, feeling, or whatever it may be. I am currently getting glimpses of what that looks like, and that is enough to keep me going.

Significance

2009-05-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

I have been recently having some confusion/frustration with the community group my wife and I lead. Quite literally, at times, I am sitting there on Monday nights wondering "what in the world is going on right here" "why is this significant enough for people to even show up?"

but

this morning I gained some clarity. I do this to see people come alive. To see people engage their relationship with God at deeper levels. I do it to see people who are hurting, reserved, and insecure engage friendships, receive some healing and find security in our community. I do it so that people know, they are taken seriously.

I do it because I want to provide a place where people can engage life to the fullest. Where they can be real, let people see their ugliness and but keep fighting for beauty. A place where they find other real people who don't have all the answers but want to journey side by side, bearing each other's burdens and speaking truth to one another. Where righteousness purity, love, friendship are held as high values, but not used for condemnation.

I do it for Restoration. to see people's hearts restored, made whole, and able to love as Christ loves us.

I know what we do is not perfect and I wouldn't want it to be..... but these things I have talked about are worth fighting for. People's hearts are worth fighting for... and this is what I want our group to be about. Fighting for each other, when we cannot fight for ourselves.

South Africa

2009-04-09T08:49:00.001-07:00

I would imagine that most of you that would possibly read this blog would have already heard me share my experiences and thoughts earlier, but I am trying to put more things in writing, so that I don't forget the emotions and process that God puts me through.

My trip to Africa was a mixed bag of frustration, realization, eye-opening and touching experiences.

Frustration: I was injured (ankle) and then I got sick, spending two days throwing up and ending up in the ER with an iv b/c of dehydration. I was thinking going into this trip that my role was going to be more physical. Playing soccer, physical labor, running around with the kids is what I envisioned. Two days before we leave I turn my ankle pretty badly, the doctor recommended I reschedule my trip. OK, I change my focus, thinking my role can be relational, connecting with our team and the people working for 10,000 Homes. Nope, as soon as we get there I spend two days by myself and unable to really connect with the team.

Realization: With all the throwing up and time alone, I realized that the things I am doing here, at home, are the things that God wants me doing. On every other trip I have felt fully alive and in tune with God's will, but now I am in the middle of God's will in my every day. I realized that what I love about trips is the intense community that it creates and that I can't wait to go on a trip with the people I am in community with.

Eye-opening: I have been on trips where I have seen extreme poverty. The area's in Africa that we visited did not live in the extreme poverty that I have seen, don't get me wrong they have very little. However, the eye-opening thing is how disease is destroying this culture. It is hard to establish systems, economically or socially, because you cannot build on people, they are sick and dying. HIV, malaria and other diseases are ripping the heart out of Africa and it's heart breaking.

Touching: Attending church in Africa was awesome. They do not have a band, lighting, thermostats or some dynamic speaker, but they all fully engaged every second of being together. In America, if the song isn't what we want, or it was too cold, or the speaker wasn't funny, or the people get on our nerves, we check out, we leave, we get in our car and drive to the next church hoping they can do things just how we want them. The believers in Africa inspired me to appreciate community, to engage with all my heart, and to love and worship God under any circumstance.

The people in Africa told me they were praying for me. For my work and for my ministry. Join me in lifting them up, that God will be near to them and keep them strong in the face of much adversity.

Life

2009-03-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks have been.... wonderfully difficult. I have found myself confused but yet at the same time finding some very good clarity. Terrified but excited. Beaten down but at the same time stronger than ever. It is like life is hitting me to the fullest and I have no idea what to do.

First off, Mindie and I are pregnat! Which I am stoked about. I really like the idea of being a father. I feel like God has been developing a father's heart in me since I was a little kid. I have always liked being around and doing my part to take care of younger people. And I know that my wife is going to be an awesome mother! I can't wait to see her live that out. This would be the terrified but excited.

Right now, our community is in the proces of making some changes. We are becoming more independent, which means we need to start defining things and roles for everyone. The community cannot be healthy without each individual doing their part to live out the values have been talking about. But in this process of definition we there has been quite a bit of miscommunication and confusion. In the midst of the confusion some great clarity has come about. We know that our values cannot be things that people hope to be swept into, they are things that individuals create for themselves. (Confusion, but clarity)

People have been offended and hurt. I have felt the brunt of these instances. But at the same time I have seen some people be more real and come more to life than ever before, which has been so encouraging. (Beaten/but yet stronger)

I definitely do not write this to complain, b/c I am so thankful that God has created a life that has such complex struggle and simple joy. I love that this life was created for us to share with each other. I love my friends and my family. I love that we push through the hard times and enjoy the blessings together. I am blessed and thankful.

Do you see People?

2008-12-01T21:04:00.000-08:00

So, I have gotten back into listening to podcasts again. Mainly just two, Matt Chandler from The Village and Rob Bell from Mars Hill Bible Church. And strangely enough the kind of issues they are each bringing up are very similar. What they both seem to be hitting on is our view of the world. Do we see the world as a movie about us and other people are just subplot characters. Matt asked the question, "do you see people" , not just visually obviously, but spiritually emotionally... are you aware that other people exist not only in the way you interact with them. They have lives, souls and emotions and many times we just see people in the limited way that we interact with them. My question to the few of you who may read this blog is do you see people?

so

2008-11-20T12:32:00.000-08:00

I believe that i have grossly underestimated the task of blogging. It has been like 3 weeks since my last post and my blog muscles still feel completely worn. I actually have nothing to say at the moment, but you would think after 3 weeks that something would have come up that I could write about, but in reality I got nothin'. Pretty sad.
maybe deep down this was my secret issue about blogging. I knew that i couldn't do it. I don't have the whatever it is it takes to sit down and write something. I just don't. Well at least not yet anyways.

Evangelism

2008-11-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have been having an ongoing conversation with many people about church. Specifically, how our generation is going to engage church. We are all about community, conversation, loving others, and hanging out. We enjoy the informal, more relaxed environment. We like "where everybody knows your name" from the Cheers show. We are great at accepting people and being honest. We don't like boxes, judgement, closed mindedness, one way answers, or authority.

This idea of church being more "organic" and relational really appeals to us. But the big question that I was recently asked was.... what about outreach,"evangelism"? What about reaching the lost and bringing people to Jesus, being the only Jesus people will see?? all the cute sayings..... but really... how will we bring people into our communities? How will we feed the poor, take care of widows? Without the institution organizing events, trips and other opportunities for us? And here is the real kicker for me... for the most part when those events are planned or opportunities presented we do nothing, we no show. As much as we love talk about loving people, when it comes time to get off our butts and do something we don't.

Now believe me, I know how to argue with what I just said.... that we would rather love people in our every day lives not at some event, that we can love people and meet needs at school, work, everywhere.... and that's true. but is that happening?

As we move forward with the "organic" movement, how do we reach people that are living without the things we know that they need, those things that make life so good... love, acceptance, honesty.

2008-10-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

I am not much of a writer, and for the most part blogging seems a bit silly to me. However, I have seen that it can create and build community. A lot of my friends blog, my family blogs... everyone blogs. I may as well give it a shot.

Josh